At first, when the pain was constant and nearly unbearable it was a decision about the opioid pain-killers I was offered. I declined these, thinking I would rather have pain from a broken back than a monkey on it. I do not regret that decision and am grateful that I did not have to do tasks requiring me to spend much time moving around.
I was also grateful that most of the time, lying flat on my back for about 15 minute would alleviate the pain.
But conversely more than about half an hour sitting up without excellent back support or standing brought great pain as if I were being crushed to death in some medieval torture device.
That time has now lengthened - I can spend a few hours each day (broken up by rests) upright, but this in no way brings me back to "how I was before."
Occasionally I try to attend an event that may (including travel time) keep me out of the house for longer than three or four hours with no opportunity to lie down.
But for every such event I need to decide: how badly do I want to go to endure hours of of crushing pain while keeping a smile on my face and basically ruining the enjoyment of the event?
Right now I'd so much rather stay home, flat on my back, than attend an event wearing the only clothing that covers my swollen, inflamed body without hurting, and having only my cane to support my weight from time to time if the crushing sensation gets too bad.
Has any good come out of this? Perhaps I've become more attuned to others dealing with pain. Perhaps I'll be a kinder, more sympathetic person. It may build my character. But mostly I'm just hurting.
